The Journey so far.

I've lost count of the amount of times, over the years, people have asked me why I write and what do I hope to achieve from it. I've had people tell me to give it up. I've had people tell me it's only a pipe dream and I am not going to get anywhere with it.
It never fails to amaze me the amount of people who are not willing to believe in the same dreams I believe in. Nor the lack of support for writers. Not just from community but friends and family. My own family have told me it will not take me anywhere and I'm dreaming if I will make a living off it.

Doesn't that just make you feel warm and fuzzy inside? It took me a long time to realise that their negativity came from their concerns for my future. I don't think my parents ever thought I would throw away a Journalism career for a job that will free me up to write fiction. Although my father once told me I should give up on being a Journalist and study Psychiatry instead. It made more money, you see.

The stigma from being a writer often irks me. However, it's one I understand. I understand I will have family and friends who are always going to worry about the decisions I make. They will worry about writing consuming me and they'll continue to worry about me forgetting to do the normal things like interact with people who aren't writers and well, eat.

So, here's the thing. All of the above, are who I am. I didn't decide one day I wanted to be a writer. It was built within me. I've written more stories than I can keep count of. Some I have shared with friends and others I have kept private. I've written fan fiction. I've written original stories. I've written for television (I even had my own TV show on Channel 31). I've written for magazines. I've written for newspapers. It's what I do. It's who I am.

It always saddens me when some people ask if I am doing it for the money. The answer is always an emphatic, no. I'm not going to lie and say the appeal of being a world famous published author, making bucket loads of money does not make me smile and say "Hell, yeah."

I'm not going to deny that there are writers out there who will do it for the money. In fact, I can think of a couple I'm pretty sure have sold their soul to the devil to get published. They churn books out one after another like a well oiled machine. It sounds like a wonderful idea to be able to churn out three books a year, but then I stop and wonder how good the quality of the writing actually is. I wonder whether the plot is actually plausible and enough to keep the reader enthralled.

Of course, I'd like to make money from my writing. I doubt there isn't a writer that wouldn't love for this to happen to them. I'm not going to deny I have goals or that my ultimate goal is to be published. I want an agent. I want to be able to walk into a bookstore and see my book on the shelves.

But it's not why I write. I write because I don't know how not to. I have written for as long as I can recall. The first story I remember writing was 8 pages long and about the Smurfs. I was 6 years old. I have not stopped writing since. It's a part of who I am. It's as crucial to me as breathing.

I write for enjoyment. I write because I have stories within screaming to be told. I have characters within my head, constantly asking me 'What about me? When will you write about me? I want to be seen. Write about me NOW'.

I am in the process of finishing my first novel. I have written 95,000 words. That's about 287 evenly spaced pages. I'm aiming for 120,000 words. I'm almost finished. It's been a long process. I've written half of it and then gone back and rewritten. I've self-edited. I've been brutal and cut chapters I've felt have not been working. I've stripped it back and I've added padding.

I'm not going to deny I'm scared about what comes next. I have not let anyone read the full novel. I've shown people bits and pieces. I've had really great feedback. It's been exciting to share this with people. The scary part is showing it to an editor. One, who is going to help me reshape it into something spectacular.

It will mean listening to someone say 'Look this is not working' as well as 'I really like this bit but maybe you could add this'.
Editing is about finding someone to entrust your baby to and preparing yourself for some seriously tough love.
It's like standing naked and exposed in the front of a classroom and praying to hell your peers do not laugh their asses off at you.

There's always going to be people who believe this is a pipe dream. By all means they can go ahead, believe that. It may be an illusion to them, but to me it's a reality waiting to happen. I know I sometimes lack motivation. I know there are more times than not I lack courage.

Here's the thing though. I also know I am strong. I know I can write. I know I have stories locked within me just waiting to be released. I know they are stories worth reading.

Now when people ask me why I do it and what I hope to achieve, I just smile and tell them the truth.

Writing is not a lifestyle choice. Being a writer is who I am. I don't know how to do anything else, nor do I have the desire to.

As for achievements? To get published. To get an agent. To make a living from my stories. All of the above.

However, the biggest achievement of all is to simply share my stories and characters with people and have them laugh, cry, get mad and share all the emotions each one of my characters convey.

To a writer, the biggest achievement is the knowledge that their stories have made people feel all of those things and much, much more.

As a writer, it's the biggest reward of all.